Being Lunatic.

     

     I avoid you. I avoid looking at you.       

     In the grey days of despair and pain, I shut all the doors to the world. Tired of the constant sinusoidal waves of hopes and disappointments, I hide in the pitch darkness waiting for the soothing numbness to descend upon me. I do not allow any rays of hopes to budge the darkness as those bright hopes often lead me to the darkest paths of disappointments.

     I hence avoid the rays.. of hope and of you. 

     I do not bother to raise my eyes and look at you in the face. At the twilight, i walk - as fast as I can - to the cab and with my eyes still to the ground. I wait for the cab to move. Move fast through the growing darkness. As I move a bit to close the window of the cab, there.. there I find you glancing through the wide and large glass panes of huge corporate offices. Perfect blend of orange and silver, I notice and close the window with the irritation inexplicable. 

    You come closer and reflect right on the cab window. Like a good friend, trying not to leave me alone, ever.

    I shut my eyes. To hell.

    While I walk past the silhouettes of trees, I ignore you.. Well, almost. 

    I prepare myself to give in to another scary, lonely night when you sneak in again, your image now reflecting on a clean and bright marble of my balcony. I curse you and shut the door of balcony.. in your face. I know, you shameless, you are still there, waiting patiently.

    I walk into my haven – my bedroom and resign to the bed. Through the swaying curtains I see you again… I see you looking at me from a far distance with the usual warmth, bestowing upon me the unearthly love and care.

   And I look up at you. Your gentle rays percolate in my mind through my tired eyes. With your image now in my eyes, you put me to a deep dreamless sleep.

   You do not promise me a happier tomorrow, but through your rays you assure me to be around, always.