A drop of rain.

I am waiting in a queue for my turn, along with my fellow drops of rain. I feel excited about my journey down the earth, yes, but very anxious of the mighty jump. 

The clouds have told us various bed time stories from the past..of the graceful drops landing on farms and mountains and rivers and oceans. I wondered then where would I be destined to be and now is the moment to go wandering at the destination unknown.  

The moment is here. 

With a hearty noisy lightening goodbye to the cloud and fellow drops, I hold my breath..and here..here I jump. I feel dizzy as I sway a bit directionless but in no time I now attain a steady speed. I realise that I still have a company as the fellow drops have jumped too and we are now a happy pitter-patter. 

I tilt a bit and have a good look at my silver self. It's the first time I’m seeing myself and am happy at my shiny transparent soul, reflecting everything that comes along. But hey, something golden has touched me briefly and before I know I am a riot of colours. A tiny form of the rainbow I had seen from the cloud once. Wow. I blush and I dance. I have wings and I fly. 

As I look down on the earth I see it's more magical than it seems from above. It’s colourful. It’s lively. It’s vibrant. The landscapes. The lakes. Small houses cuddled together in small village.

 I am drawn towards one of the houses with brown roofs and hit the edge briefly, take a small jump upwards and down again to the window. From the window I see the man of the house relaxing on the rocking chair with his eyes closed and listening to a song. The woman of the house is humming that song which sounds to me like my welcome home. At the window the little sweetheart of the house with a beautiful smile and starry eyes has extended her hand to me and I gently rest on her palm for a brief beautiful moment before I go on a journey ahead. I take a flight further down. 

And now..now I am in the inner circle of petals of a fresh yellow flower...a cozy place to rest in peace.

Being Lunatic.

     

     I avoid you. I avoid looking at you.       

     In the grey days of despair and pain, I shut all the doors to the world. Tired of the constant sinusoidal waves of hopes and disappointments, I hide in the pitch darkness waiting for the soothing numbness to descend upon me. I do not allow any rays of hopes to budge the darkness as those bright hopes often lead me to the darkest paths of disappointments.

     I hence avoid the rays.. of hope and of you. 

     I do not bother to raise my eyes and look at you in the face. At the twilight, i walk - as fast as I can - to the cab and with my eyes still to the ground. I wait for the cab to move. Move fast through the growing darkness. As I move a bit to close the window of the cab, there.. there I find you glancing through the wide and large glass panes of huge corporate offices. Perfect blend of orange and silver, I notice and close the window with the irritation inexplicable. 

    You come closer and reflect right on the cab window. Like a good friend, trying not to leave me alone, ever.

    I shut my eyes. To hell.

    While I walk past the silhouettes of trees, I ignore you.. Well, almost. 

    I prepare myself to give in to another scary, lonely night when you sneak in again, your image now reflecting on a clean and bright marble of my balcony. I curse you and shut the door of balcony.. in your face. I know, you shameless, you are still there, waiting patiently.

    I walk into my haven – my bedroom and resign to the bed. Through the swaying curtains I see you again… I see you looking at me from a far distance with the usual warmth, bestowing upon me the unearthly love and care.

   And I look up at you. Your gentle rays percolate in my mind through my tired eyes. With your image now in my eyes, you put me to a deep dreamless sleep.

   You do not promise me a happier tomorrow, but through your rays you assure me to be around, always.

...म्हणजे आयुष्य !!

           चालता    चालता   पावसाचे  थेंब  अचानक  पडू  लागावेत  आणि  एक  चुकार   थेंब  राप्प्कन  कानात  जावा , तो  मेंदूत  भिनत  जाणारा  थेंबभर   गारवा  - म्हणजे   आयुष्य..
           आपल्याच  तंद्रीत , कुठल्याश्या  गणिती  विचारात  पाय  ओढत  चालत  असावं  आपण ..आणि  अचानक  एका  दमात  श्वासात  भिनणारा   प्राजक्ती  गंध  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य..
           अंगणातल्या  ब्रह्मकमळाच्या  एकलकोंड्या  पानातून   फुटलेले  सुरेख  इवले  पान  पाहून  चेहऱ्यावर  फुललेले   अस्फुट  हसू   आणि  डोळ्यात  डुलणारी पानांची  प्रतिबिंबे  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य ..
           कसल्याश्या  गहन  , न सुटणार्या  गुंत्यात  हरवत  असताना  अगदी  क्षणभरासाठी  कुण्या  मित्राचा  खांद्यावर  पडलेला  आश्वस्त  हात  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य..
           निवांत  संध्याकाळी  सूर्यास्त  बघताना  नेमका  ओंजळीत  पडलेला  शेवटचा  किरण  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य..
           उत्तररात्री  झोपेतच  कूस  बदलल्यावर  खिडकीतून  नेमकं  चेहऱ्यावर  पडणारं  चांदणं - म्हणजे  आयुष्य..
           गोठवणाऱ्या  पावसात  चिंब  भिजून  घरी  जावं  आणि  आता  गरम  गरम  वरणभाताशिवाय  काही  नको  असा  विचार  करत  गरम  पाण्याच्या  धारेत  उभं  राहावं  आणि  वरण -भाताचाही  विसर  पडून  सगळं  सुख  सुख  होऊन  जावं  असा  क्षण  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य..
          दारात  सुरेखशी  रांगोळी  रेखावी  आणि  अनिमिष  डोळ्यांनी  तिचे  कौतुक  करत  असतानाच   एखादे  नाजूकसे  फूल  वार्याने  उडत  येऊन  अलगद  रांगोळीवर  पडावे ..असे  परिपूर्ण  सौंदर्य  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य ..
         संध्याकाळी  पळत  पळत  शेवटच्या  क्षणी   गाठलेला  बोटिंग  क्लब , अगदी  शेवटच्या  फेरीसाठी  कशीबशी  लागलेली  वर्णी ..डुचमळत  चाललेली  बोट  आणि  दाटून   आलेला  अंधार ..पण  पुढच्याच  क्षणी  स्थिर झालेली  बोट  अन  अधिकच  गहिरा  होणारा  काळोख . गहन  शांततेत  होणारा  फक्त  वल्ह्यांचा  पाणी  कापल्याचा  आवाज ..जसजसे  आत  जाऊ  तसतसे  दूरवर  अंधुकसे  दिसणारे  मंदिर  आणि  वार्याशी  झगडणारे  काही  तेजस्वी  दीप ..अगदी  हाताशी  आल्यासारखी  ती  चंद्राची   नाजूक कोर  आणि  ओठावर  आलेलं  मनातलं  गाणं-असं जादुई  जग  म्हणजे  आयुष्य ..
           ह्या  आणि  अश्या  अनेक  इवल्या  सुखांचा  संग्रह  - म्हणजे  आयुष्य .....

Definitions

What’s better, I wonder. Crazy ideas- crisscross, turbulent thoughts-good or bad, your very own lookout at life- sane or insane and thereby  restless, sleepless nights.. Or, simple life with acceptance to the tried and tested ideas, borrowed thoughts, second-hand visions , but.. a very very good night’s sleep..I wonder. Every now and then.

    And then I look at the world, at the things happening around with a childlike eager for whom anything and everything is an object of interest..and of immense pleasure. The knowledge of what all things are happening all around me..or even the imagination of things that might be happening, leaves me dumbstruck. I see how life means different to different people..how the definition of happiness varies..even the definitions of sorrows, solitude and loneliness.. in fact, definition of everything, including love. And then I marvel at the situations when one’s feeling is being completely misunderstood by the other. Difference in the definitions you see !

    I look out of my cab, everyday, in and out with my eyes fixed on the moving road and my nose on the window glass, well, if it’s not open. I pass by a neglected pavement, filled with equally neglected yellow flowers. My eyes reflect those flowers for fraction of seconds first and then the tremendous happiness. Happiness of watching the beauty without pretence, in its original form. Happiness of remembering my loved ones in a very fond way and imagining how would they have loved the flowers as well. My eyes smile irresistibly, while the co-passengers’ eyes are full of questions and some doubts about my sanity. Definitions vary, I told you..

  I then pass by a group of youngsters, they look very happy. Eavesdropping tells me they are talking about some pop music..or some hiphop. I don’t understand these neither do I understand why is it making them seemingly happy. All I do is shrug it off and agree once more to the fact that- the definitions vary..

  But then..there are these people you meet, just my chance. Something whispers in your ears that they have similar definitions of things as yours. Well, not the same, but definitely similar..definitely on the similar lines. And then you know, you are destined to be together. You are destined to know each other’s definition , understand those and with time, appreciate those. Possibly, re-adjusting your own definitions too. It’s not easy. Not at all. Its produces frictions. And heat. But then, it’s a pleasure. A treasure as well. Unknowingly you start to look at the world with their eyes too, applying their definitions. World becomes even more beautiful, I must say..more colorful. Sitting in a wooden temple listening to the rain, together, with some dreams shattered , with some hopes of tomorrow, makes it a magical moment then. A magical moment private to the people with similar ideas..similar definitions..

 

A Part Of Heart

       Words didn't agree to come out from my mind onto the paper for quite some time. It needed some stimulator. And I got it sometime in last week while clearing my laptop's hard disk. While going through a bunch of folders ignored for quite some time, I stumbled upon a folder named "A Part Of Heart". I wondered what I had saved in there.

       Just a click on the folder and whole world of words unfolded before me. Words from my friends,colleagues..even from people I have never seen but have known them just through their words. From that moment on, I was Alice In Wonderland. Totally lost in the world that was left behind and forgotten. A wonderful world of write-ups, poems, anecdotes and a huge collection of saved chats.

      Each piece of writting had a personality. They all had a memory attached with it. Or many memories. Some related. Some random. The memories of the writer friends, of the numberous moments the writers and I shared. Memories of writer friends who have grown up with me. Laughed with me. Supported me with their comforting words when I cried. Memories of the philosophy we blabbered on.  Memories of the people around us,who never wrote but were there when we were busy creating these memories. And then of the inter-relation of all those people with each other..Even of the people not directly related to me. It was like a bunch of something I have left behind – safe in the past! Some of it was so clear that I could actually recall the exact words spoken and exact vibes given out and taken. Some of those memories were blur, yet I suppose important ones, as my mind was fighting hard to put the bits and pieces of memories together.

     Reading what they had written long back, when we all were kids, was fun.. Pure pleasure of meeting my own past –woven around those writing- that now feels frozen in time. Do you remember Harry Potter and The Time Machine, where they see themselves in the past ? It felt exactly the same !  It was like looking at myself in the time forgone, growing up with my writer friends. Like looking at the change in our thinking, the change it our perceptions. Change in the way to look at life. I realized, that at every point in life, I had thought I knew it all and that what I thought was correct and that what I felt was the ultimate truth. Looking back at myself, through the write-ups and poems and chit chats, I now know that the time has to come for one to understand that there are many facets of life and you actually do not know it all and that what you think is not a line on granite. One learns with time, grows up with time. And smiles – in some understanding, in some agreement.

      Those write-ups and those poems and those mails , have a part of my friends' heart, part of the pain they had endured, part of pleasure they had soaked in – at that locked phase of time. As I carry on reading their latest words, I know they have changed. I know I have changed. Changed for better. With better lookout towards a wonderful thing called life.

मेनू कार्ड

        कधीतरी  कुणासोबततरी  कुठल्याश्या  हॉटेलात  जाणं होतं. पाणी  वगैरे  पिऊन  जरा  स्थिरस्थावर  झाल्यावर  मेनू  कार्ड  हातात  येतं. गप्पा  मारता  मारता  मंडळी  काय  खावं-प्यावं ठरवत  असतात. तेव्हा  मी  मात्र  पूर्ण  हरवून  गेलेली  असते  – तुझ्या  आवडीचा  पदार्थ  त्या  मेनू  कार्डवर  शोधण्यात – सहज चाळा म्हणून. मला  काय  हवंय ह्यापेक्षा, तुझ्या  आवडीच्या  पदार्थाचं नाव  डोळ्यांसमोर  यावं  म्हणून  क्षणात  बरीच  धडपड  होते.  लेदरचं  मोठं  जाडजूड मेनू कार्ड  फटाफट चाळला जातो  – अधाशीपणे . फक्त  त्या  एका  पदार्थाचा उल्लेख  नजरेसमोर  यावा म्हणून. एखाददोन  मिनिटात  त्या  पदार्थाचं नाव  छापलेलं सापडतं. त्यावरून  हलेकेच  बोटं  फिरतात. बघणार्यांना   त्यात  काही  वेगळं वाटलेलं नसतं. त्यांच्या  लेखी  पदार्थाचा  अंदाज  घेतला  जात  असतो  – त्याच्या  किमतीचा  अंदाज  घेतला  जात  असतो ...
        पण  खरंतर अंदाज  घेतला  जात  असतो  अजिबात  पुसट न  झालेल्या  तुझ्या  आठवणींचा. तुला  तुफान  आवडणारा  तो  एक  पदार्थ . पुन्हा  पुन्हा  त्याच  एका  हॉटेलात  जाऊन  मागवलेला  तोच  तो  पदार्थ .त्यावर  नेहमीच  तुटून  पडणारा  तू . त्या  पदार्थाचा  तू  न  थकता  केलेला   कौतुक  आणि मग  ओशाळून  "सॉरी, मी  खाण्याच्या  गप्पांमधेच  गुंतलो  अगं !" म्हणणारा  निरागस  तू . त्यानंतर  नि :शब्दपणे  सरणारी  आपली  हळवी  भेट ..
         मेनू  कार्ड  वरून  बोटं  फिरताना  हे  सगळं क्षणार्धात  आठवतं  आणि  तितक्याच  सहजपणे  ते  पान  नजरेआडही  टाकलं जातं हल्ली . तुला  आवडणारा  पदार्थ  सोडून  भलताच  पदार्थ  मागवला  जातो . हसत  खिदळत  संपवला  जातो. बिल  भरून  बाहेर  निघायची  वेळ  येते...
         बाहेर  पडताना आपलं नेहमीचं टेबल  आणि  त्यावरच्या  मेनू  कार्डवर  एक अलिप्त  नजर  फिरवली  जाते. स्वत:लाही  कळेल  न  कळेल  असं  अस्फुट  हसू  ओठावर  येतं. आनंदाचं किंवा  दु:ख्खाचं  हसू  नव्हे... भूतकाळाला   दिलेलं  ओळखीचं हसू  फक्त..

आसवं

ठसठसणारं शरीर अन ठसठसणारं मन. शरीर तसं समजूतदार. गुमान पडीक राहतं एखाद्या कोपर्यात. मनाचं तसं नाही. त्याला गप्प बसणंच मुळी ठाऊक नाही. ते हेलकावे खातं, उलट सुलट गिरक्या घेतं. थकेपर्यंत..थकल्यावरही ते थांबत असं नाही. पण मग गिरक्यांचा वेग पेलवत नाही त्याला. ढेपाळून उदास होऊन जातं. विचारांचा-भावनांचा अविरत मारा सोसत नाही त्याला आणि मग भरून येत मन. ओसंडून जायला होतं डोळ्यांमधून. पण निचरा सहज होत नाही असा.  पापण्यांच्या कडेलाच थबकून राहतात आसव.. का कोण जाणे !? नंतर-नंतर मनाचा भार त्यांना सहन होत नाही अन एखादा चुकार अश्रू गळून पडतो मुकाट. जाताना मणा-मणाचं ओझ हलकं करून जातो. वस्तुमान-आकारमानात नगण्य असणारा तो खाऱ्या पाण्याचा एक चिमुकला थेंब ! पण फार अवघड अवजड चिंता, काळज्या, सल वाहून नेऊन धुवून टाकण्याचं विलक्षण सामर्थ्य असतं त्या एका आसवात !